Day 15: My Experiences of Cyber Sex/ Phone Sex

The first time I had cyber sex was when I was 11. It was with whomever, I didn't care. I got turned on & I would talk dirty to everyone. I was young, I really didn't know any better.
The first time I had phone sex, I was 17. I was dating a guy who lived in North Carolina [I was in Wisconsin] & we would have phone sex almost nightly. 
I used to have cyber sex with my ex-husband after we got divorced when we tried again to make it work but I was shy & ashamed of my body so I couldn't be very successful with it. 
Just recently, I started having cyber sex & phone sex with EW. EW has made me feel so secure in myself that it's much more successful this time. I am not ashamed to show him parts of my body that are made for the bedroom & the shower because he thinks I'm beautiful no matter what I look like 

Day 14: My View on Scandals

If we're talking about sex scandals here, I really don't have too much of an opinion. I think to each his own. I don't see why or how people get off on making other people's affairs public, it's really none of anyone's business what people do with their personal lives. 

EW worries too much.

#1. EW worries that He won't be enough for me emotionally.
Fact: EW already IS enough for me emotionally. He tells me He loves me 100x a day, makes me feel special, tells me how important I am to Him... I feel secure putting my heart & control in His hands. I know He will never hurt me intentionally. 

#2. EW worries that He won't be enough for me physically.
Fact: EW has pudge. I love it. I love everything about Him. I love His hair, I love His extra padding (I would rather cuddle with fluff than brick), I love His eyes; they make me feel secure, I love His voice; it makes me tingle. He is afraid that I will look at Him & not want to be with Him when He shows up to pick me up on my last day of school. I have every full intention of hopping into His arms & kissing Him, hard.

#3. EW worries that He won't be enough for me sexually.
Fact: It does not matter what the size of EW's cock is, it does not matter how long it has been since He has been sexually active; what matters to me is that He is confident, loving, passionate, fun & lives up to His expectations, not mine. I have no expectations except for putting His all into it so that we are both happy. 

#4. EW worries that I won't be able to handle His mental illness
Fact: I have mental problems myself so I have no room to judge Him or love Him less. I have my bad days & I know He will be there for me when I need Him. He has His bad days & I will be there for Him when he needs me. I'm sure we will have bad days where we will almost hate each other & want nothing more than to bite each other's heads off but on those days, I will be more supportive & loving than ever. 

I love EW & I have every full intention of making this relationship happy, loving & long-lasting as possible. 

Day 13: My Sexual Fantasies

I have a fantasy of having my house broken into & I was passed out on the couch watching TV & being tied up and raped by the man who broke into my house
[Status: Fulfilled]

I have a fantasy of being told what to do & having no will whatsoever. Being forced to give head, be fucked in every possible position that my body would bend into on every surface available
[Status: Fulfilled]

I have a fantasy of being this innocent little school girl who was on the verge of expulsion for my grades & having to fuck the Dean to stay in school
[Status: Fulfilled]

I have a fantasy of being Daddy's naughty little girl. Being punished for whatever reason & being forced to swallow Daddy's cum then take another load in my pussy
[Status: Fulfilled]
Side Note: Currently living in a DD/lg relationship could not have made this fantasy better 

I have a fantasy of making love on the beach next to a fire & the ocean under the stars on the blanket. A romantic setting, just beautiful. 
[Status: Unfulfilled]

I have a fantasy of making a home porn movie & posting it online & getting a bunch of people watching it. Also, on top of that, having people in the room watching while me & Daddy go at it
[Status: Unfulfilled]

I have a fantasy of making love in the middle of the woods (on a blanket) in the middle of the day surrounded by beautiful fall leaves
[Status: Unfulfilled]

I was just reading about somebody's first decent into subspace & realized I have never experienced that. I can't wait to be with EW in two weeks so I can know what that truly feels like. I keep imagining this euphoria & total loss of control & how good it is going to feel. Like I said, I have never experienced that so it is just something I imagine in my head. 

I'm a little anxious that I won't be a good sub for EW & that he will have to do more coaching than he wants to. I know as a Dom, that is his position but, I still want to just make him happy & be the perfect Little. I know there is no such thing as perfect & I don't expect to get it right the first time. EW will teach me.

I honestly can't wait to lose my self control & have EW completely in charge