Day 23: Blog Suggestion: How You Found Out About What You Like?

I ran across something on Tumblr actually. It was a checklist. I saved it to my flash drive, printed it out & spent a day & a half filling it out. I talked to EW about it while I did it & He told me as I was doing it what He would & wouldn't do & what He did & did not like.

Before I found the checklist, I was talking to EW about what He was used to & what He expected. He said He didn't have any expectations. He was really happy when I found the checklist & He could go through it with me. Even as EW & I have talked over the last month, some of my limits have changed. I've thought about re-printing it & re-doing it & I just might so that EW & I can go through it together next weekend. 

Before I got into the lifestyle, I was as naive as the next "vanilla." I thought BDSM was all about pain & non-consent & always thought to myself "I could NEVER do that!" That had been all I was ever exposed to. The porn side of it. The side that didn't show the love, trust, appreciation & I knew nothing of it so, I was scared. When EW told me He was a Dom, I always thought I could never be with Him because that lifestyle scared me. I laugh now at how naive I was! 

I have learned so much since dating EW. I did research, I taught myself a lot, I started a Tumblr & followed others in the lifestyle, reading their advice & questions, I joined FetLife & talked to others in the community. I even met a slave & a Domme who went to school with me! I couldn't believe how normal these people's lives were! They had normal families, issues, KIDS! I figured after actually meeting them in person & realizing that their lives are just as normal as mine, I could be part of the lifestyle too. I have even learned when it's okay to be Little & when I have to be Big, thanks to Daddy. 

Now that I've educated myself, I know about the love, appreciation, respect & trust that goes into a DD/lg relationship & I am proud to call myself a Little 

Day 22: Blog Suggestion from Daddy: Something Daddy Finds Beautiful About Me That I'd Like to Change

EW thinks everything about me is beautiful. The insecurities I have are several.
First, my tummy. I am a heavy set girl (as you can see from my pics) & it makes me extremely self concious. I don't like my tummy or being heavy. I only became this heavy in the years since high school from lack of self esteem and crappy ex-boyfriends tearing me down to nothing. EW,  however, loves my tummy. He says it is more to hold onto, more to love & He would rather hold onto someone with a little meat than someone He feels like He is going to break in half

Second is my teeth. You won't see a lot of pictures of me smiling big because last December (2011), I had to have 22 teeth pulled leaving a huge gap in the front of my mouth. It makes me shy because I look like a hillbilly vampire. EW doesn't care. He sees it as easier access [lol].

Day 21: Blog Suggestion from a Domme friend: Being a Mommy & a Little

I am not personally a mommy [yet] but I am a step-mommy & have been several times. It's hard when you go into Little space & want to be alone but you know you have three kids [or two; I've never had a boyfriend with less than two] to take care of. Grocery shopping, cleaning, cooking, breaking up fights between an 8 & 13 year old over the remote because one wants to watch Spongebob & the other wants to watch wrestling or something (their daddy was usually the tie breaker for that & they each usually won equally even though he couldn't stand Spongebob), having to be big when you are in Little space is extremely hard & forces you to hide the parts of you, that really want to come out, around your children.

The easy part is when your beautiful, red headed, 6 yr old step-daughter wants to color or play dolls & you are all "hell yeah!" in your head but you play with her innocently like it's a mommy duty when secretly it makes you happy too. That is the kind of thing that makes you ravage your man after the kids are in bed & he is happy & fed after work. I was always so happy when my Bethany wanted to play toys or Tiff & Heather wanted to play video games with me. Their daddies always reaped the benefits of that. Bethany's daddy would give in to my Little side some nights & dominate me & I LOVED it! 

Day 20: Blog Suggestion from Daddy: What Drew/Draws Me to Daddy. What Pet Names I Prefer. How  I Feel When Daddy Uses My Pet Names.

What initially drew me to EW [four years ago] was His initiative. He emailed me on Plenty of Fish & He was so sweet. He was a perfect gentleman. He knew we lived several states away & we decided to be friends. We talked through text for a while but then communicationg got sparse & far between. I knew I had a friend in Him but I knew I couldn't have Him because I was 21 & not ready to move out of Wisconsin. Whenever I had a problem, I would call or text Him with it & He would help me through it. Then communication would stop for a while again. 
August of 2011, I was in a rough spot in life & really needed a friend so, I called EW. I knew He could make me feel better. We started sexting & sending videos of us masturbating to each other & then went back to talking like normal like nothing had happened. Only the conversation was different. It was then when I found out EW loved me. We talked about me moving to Virginia again to be with Him but, at the time, I was a party girl and wanted to stay in Wisconsin still. I turned Him down. When I met Aaron in December of 2011, I kind of cut off most communication with Him. Once in a while He would text me & ask how I was doing, we would send a couple texts & the conversation would be over. In August of 2012, Aaron punched me in the face & almost too my life. I never told EW. I didn't want Him to do anything drastic but I was thinking about calling Him. I never did. In September of 2012, I moved to Florida. I dated a couple of losers & finally, after about the fifth failed attempt at a relationship, I called EW. He calmed me down & told me what a beautiful, smart woman I was who just had a bad taste in men. He suggested I date Him [again.] I laughed & we talked for a few minutes then I got off the phone. I hopped on Facebook & I jokingly changed my relationship status to In A Relationship & his name. He text me as soon as I did it & He asked if we were really going to be together. I thought about it for a few minutes & finally said yes. That was the March 17th, 2013. We have been a happy healthy, long distance couple since. He was always there for me & made me feel amazing when I was at the lowest points in my life & felt like giving up. 

What still draws me to EW is His whole demeanor. He tells me all the time that I am beautiful & that He loves me. He makes sure I am okay & worries about me. He genuinely shows me every day that He loves me even though we can't physically be together for eight more days. I am drawn to His eyes, His voice, His fun loving attitude, His IDGAF attitude, the way He smiles at me when I say or do something He likes. I think every day about being in His arms and snuggling up next to Him. We have only been together a little over a month but I really think He is my soul-mate. I kick myself in the ass for not moving by him almost two years ago. 

Pet Names I prefer from EW are honey, baby, baby-girl, sweetheart, my love, babe, little one, & cupcake. 

EW mostly calls me baby-girl, baby, & cupcake. When he tells me I'm HIS good girl, it makes me melt & smile. I love that He calls me baby-girl. It makes me feel special. Nobody has ever called me that. 
EW makes me feel things I have never experienced. I love Him so much. When I hear EW s voice or I get a text from him, my heart flutters and I feel safe, just in His presence in my life. EW promises He is never going to let me go. When He tells me that I get all gooey. I really feel like I have met The One. 

Day 19: My View on Body Images

I think everyone is beautiful in their own unique way. Skinny girls are what the media portrays as beautiful but I know many men would rather wrap their arms around a woman with a little meat on her bones than a stick figure. I do not "maintain" a bbw appearance on purpose but EW makes me feel comfortable in it. I haven't called myself fat in two weeks because EW says I am perfect & He loves me just the way I am.